Thursday, August 2, 2012

Vomit, the new sex

Film and TV are in love with vomiting. It's the new "conquest" of the media.

At one time it was taboo to kiss on the lips. Then came  pseudo nudity, bust nudity, frontal nudity, male nudity. From this to almost explicit sex, it took little. All this straight sex, by the way. Over time, came homosexual sex. Male, then female. Today there are more lesbians in movies than on the streets. Every woman is a lesbian in Hollywood's perspective.

All this was accompanied by great achievements in gibberish. Four-letter words gained a lot of space. Today "ass" is said without hesitation on American TV. Great achievement of society, able to say "ass" on TV unimpeded. After this, to achieve perfection all we need is to eradicate world hunger and find a cure for cancer.

By the way a lot of movie scripts are written around the "F" word these days. I guess the way to do it is write the "F" word about 5000 times, then insert other conversation around it. Voila. You have a movie script.

As there is little left to invent, for comic flatulence has been reigning free for years, now Hollywood has discovered vomiting. Amazing how much vomiting there is in movies today! Copious rivers of noisy regurgitation are displayed inside and out of context. Police, teens, elders, women, youth, children, drug addicts, drunks, lovers, sick, healthy, rockers. Everyone vomits! At the hospital, restaurant, street, in the bedroom, living room, school, playground, soccer field, at weddings. Everything is an excuse for a delicious puke.

All with different colors, too. After the famous green vomit displayed by Linda Blair in the Exorcist, a milestone in cinematic vomiting, the more photogenic yellow is now the rule. There is also brown, with various consistencies and viscosities. Sometimes even the dreaded black. But it is always explosive vomiting, phreatic, generous, large and extroverted. High impact puke.

They even say that young actors are putting on their resumes the ability to vomit on cue as a special skill. Many people have got important roles because of their vomiting abilities. Control vomiting is a challenge!!! The big drama schools spend more time teaching students to throw up than cry. In short, if you want to be an actor in Hollywood, start vomiting on the side.

Start early, too. Even in those corny young girl pageants, here and there a little girl's presentation consisted of vomiting. Word is that this is a crowd and judge pleaser.

I would not be surprised at all if vomiting makes it as a competitive sport as well, and in a few years, is adopted as an Olympic category. I heard the ancient Greeks fancied vomiting as well, so here is a great connection to the origin of the Games.

All this depresses me because I threw up less than ten times in my life. I am now in my fifties. Once again, I'm out of fashion.

I am a failure!

No comments:

Post a Comment